Hi Friends! I am officially three weeks away from the end of my solo adventure! It was both the fastest and slowest month of life! I can’t believe I only have two weeks left, but at the same time I’ve never felt so transformed and reflective on who I want to be. Ever since my last blog post, I’ve had a whole new kind of writer’s block in which there are so many thoughts in my mind that the words just stopped flowing. It wasn’t until I listened to the soundtrack of My Fair Lady that I got even the smallest bit of inspiration.
“I could have danced all night. And still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings. And done a thousand things. I’ve never done before. I’ll never know what made it so exciting. Why all at once my heart took flight. I only know when he began to dance with me. I could have danced, danced, danced all night!” — Eliza Doolittle
There is nothing more relatable to me (being the nocturnal critter that I am) than dancing all. night. long. But enough about that; I’m here to write my love story. As much as I’m a believer in love at first sight, that’s not how my story starts. This story starts with a five year old girl looking into a mirror and feeling anything but love. The dissection she could never stomach in any science class came easy on her own face and body. It’s a love story that takes struggle and sacrifice but this Princess is her own knight in shining armour …she just needs them to try and work together.
So many people struggle with self-love. It’s probably one of the hardest things to set your mind to, no one can keep tabs on you or remind you why it’s important; it’s something you do for yourself, and by yourself which at times can make it seem less urgent or worthwhile. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you know however, I never back down from a challenge.
It all starts with Hermione Granger (or the Sophia I’ve always wanted to be). She’s the logical me. She’s the one who organises my perfect — if I do say so myself — planner, gets me through my college classes and could spend the entire day snuggled up with a book and a cat on my lap. She is where this love story will start. Just thinking of being even the smallest bit like Hermione makes me just fluff my feathers with pride (I’m sure that saying will take off just wait). I love the way my mind can dive into a world of words. The imagination that takes me to places I’ve never been. I love that I’m a feminist. That I’m passionate about justice and diversity for everyone (don’t forget house elves #spew4life). I love the way I learn waiting for that moment when things first start making sense then *lightbulb … and there it is.
Meanwhile…the other Sophia (the mean one) pretends no matter how much like Hermione I am it doesn’t matter. She is basically the critic in Ratatouille BEFORE he eats the ratatouille and can point out everything that has ever been wrong with me. She’s the one who tells Hermione that no matter what she is capable of, if she can find even the smallest flaw on the outside nothing else will matter. She argues that no one will see or even bother trying to find any positive aspect of Sophia if she’s anything short of perfection. (I mean who says that?!) Mean Sophia has all the strength, determination and stubbornness that makes Hermione special but uses it against her in a truly epic battle that often takes place internally when I’m out at an event and small talk fades into an awkward silence.
Lastly there is the Sophia I know I’ve always been. There’s something natural about her. Almost like I know she would still exist if she had been brought up in a cave by wolves. It’s the part of me that never does anything to please anyone else. It’s just simply a fact of Sophia. The internal longing to be somewhere with an endless expanse of ocean, the exhilaration of smashing a shuttlecock over the net or laughing so hard tears run down my cheeks. This Sophia is the night in shining armour. She’s got an uphill battle but hey, who doesn’t want to fight a dragon?
On Grand Adventures such as the one I am on, I’ve learned to explore the world through my own eyes. I’ve questioned what sights you must see and instead explored what sights are important for me to see. Anyone could walk across Tower Bridge and maybe take a cute picture but getting lost in Hyde Park is what I will miss most about London. A taste of nature nestled between skyscrapers and a city still living its history.
Here’s to hoping that everyone starts their love story somewhere. I hope you take the time to get to know the parts of yourself that are easy to love and those that are not but you try anyway. And you know what? One day we’ll all live happily ever after within ourselves. I know I will. Because I never back down from a challenge.
TTFN
Sophia
Diaries of a Dancing Queen 