I’ve always wanted to be the sort of person who takes off on a solo adventure with no idea exactly what to expect but doing it anyway because they’re fearless, independent and spontaneous. If I was trying to describe myself in five words I don’t think any of those words would come to mind; and yet, something about being completely on my own in the middle of a huge city sounds amazing. I arrived in London today (yay!) day #1 of Sophia’s Grand Adventure 2019! However, part of me is a little disappointed that I’m living in a flat with seven people that go to SCU. Don’t get me wrong they’re awesome people and we just had a super fun dinner tonight. But I’d much prefer to be in a bedroom alone tonight instead of waiting for a roommate (that I know from school) to come home and on top of that sharing a flat with other SCU students in the program with me. Really, I’d rather be in a single room and sharing a flat with locals that I’d never met before. Question time: Would that terrify me and make me worried that I would be kidnapped? (probably) Would I miss my family and Josh even more? (Yeah). After about a week would I finally get tired of being on my own and shunning the world? (yeah sounds like me). But I can’t help wondering if those things would make for an even more impactful trip. This summer my challenge is independence. I am the kind of person to go along with what other people want to do because I feel like it would be rude not to. I consider going along with all their plans because I worry that I’m missing out on some amazing bonding experience or even just what the movies call socializing in college. My goal is to explore London on my own. Even though I’m surrounded by people I go to school with and people that I’m totally going to have to talk to in the fall I want to challenge myself to do what I want to do and make this internship and study abroad adventure on my own terms. Normally I would feel a ton of pressure (and to be completely honest I already did when I went to the aforementioned dinner earlier and when they invited me to a pub after) to join them in whatever sightseeing and activities they plan on doing but I want to take a step back and allow myself to be alone after the crazy school year I had. The hardest thing will be declining invitations in the group chat they added me to because if anyone knows what it’s like to be excluded it’s me. This isn’t because I don’t appreciate them reaching out but instead it’s to challenge myself to be uncomfortable. Walk into a restaurant and eat a meal alone. Go to work and try to make friends with a coworker who is a total stranger. Sure I might get lonely and want to go with the group in less than a week but at least then I can put an end to this anxiety and need to be alone and decide when I’m ready to socialize. and who knows? maybe I’ll learn something new about myself along the way.
Ta ta for now
Sophia
Diaries of a Dancing Queen 